Friday, February 6, 2009

Shoving Their Face in a Bowl of Food

When dogs and cats (and a good number of small animals) eat, instead of pulling out the old silverware their grandma gave them and a couple snazzy blue napkins, they just shove their face into a bowl filled with all the same shit, and chomp it down like they're three-time pie eating champions in the Kansas State Fair. I mean, seriously guys, couldn't you use your paws like a civilized creature? It doesn't take that much effort, and it really makes a big difference in how people view you. Do you honestly think I'm ever going to take you to a fancy restaurant with those eating habits? Put you're tuxedo back in the closet, because the answer is no. And you look silly in a tuxedo anyway. It makes your tail look fat.
Next Thanksgiving I'm going to try eating like this as an experiment. My hypothesis is that it takes less than 30 seconds for my Uncle to crack me in the ribcage for being a douche.
(flickr photo Mao is eating by stickwithjosh;


  1. I definitely can not speak for the kittie kat in that picture there, but I can more than likely say that for moi, it is very much easier to bowl eat than going the silverware utensils way of doing it because I have no thumbs! I really do wish upon my lucky stars everyday that I indeed could get thumbs! Imagine that! Thumbs to grab silverware utensils with! Eating would more than likely be so very much easier as would the space bar!



  2. Au contraire, my dear Walter. Pets are by far the more intelligent of the two species. Pets don't work for the money to shop for the food that gets put in the bowl. They don't have to do the dishes, or clean up the back yard of the logical consequences of eating.

    Who needs thumbs?

  3. So true. I wouldn't be surprised if back in the day they were involved in the evolutionary board meeting that decided to give us thumbs, so that they could finally get someone to clean up after them and feed them for free.