Leg Humping

Not only is it summer, but it's also Memorial Day, and that means tons of picnics and BBQs and other large gatherings to which dogs are invited. And guess what happens when dogs are invited to events? They hump legs, that's what happens. No fucking manners at all. Like seriously, were you raised in a barn (or a strip club)? I know they're animals, but they could at least stay away from your cousin's husband's sister's calves.
And of all things to hump, why legs, you ask? Well, little known to most, dogs were originally bred as a lower leg cover, because long ago no one could make pants that went beyond the knee. Tailors just weren't that skilled. "Dog" is of the Greek root "dogus" which means "thing that keeps my scandalously exposed legs hidden from the perverted, gawking public." And so, as much I love to judge and scold animals for their inappropriate behaviors, this summer while out at parks and picnics, if your Achilles tendon is suddenly violated by a canine, please cut them some slack; they can't help it.
(flickr photo Down boy! by kennymatic; http://www.flickr.com/photos/kwl/2602576621/)

I'm a Guest Blogger

I'm a guest blogger, and guess what, I even mentioned dogs in my guest post. Check it out, and check out the rest of My Telephone Booth while you're there.

Panting

It's starting to get hot again, and that means that dogs are going to start panting. Now, before you go on with your busy day of 80s aerobics exercises and paying overdue bills or whatever it is you do on Saturday like it's no big deal, let me remind you of the complete injustice of dog panting.
A dog pants and everyone's all like, "Oh my, that poor pooch is so thirsty, let's get him some water and give him some love." But if you or I start panting, everyone's all like, "Quick! Call the police! There's a pervert following me around and panting." Now is that fair, dogs? Why don't you stop acting like creeps and learn to sweat like the rest of us?
(flickr photo Rowan the ridgeback by D G Brown; http://www.flickr.com/photos/15193764@N07/2441370264/)