Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Meowing at Birds

I'm pretty sure that I don't need to explain to you why we don't meow at birds through a window. It should be obvious how goddamn stupid that is to anyone who isn't a fucking cat, so instead of wasting my time with that, I'll present you with a short play entitled "Cat Talks to Bird Through Window."
The sun is just rising, and with it, so are the birds. But the humans sleep peacefully because they don't give a shit about birds and sun and because they have to work all fucking day, goddamnit. The cat, who never ever works (ever), leaps to the window and starts meowing at full volume, waking the sleeping humans.
Cat: I'm going to eat you, bird.
Bird: No, you aren't. There's a window between us. I win, you lose.
Cat: Someday there wont be a window, and that's the day I'll fuck you up, you annoying little bird.
Bird: Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I still win now. Birds rule!
Cats: Aaaaahhhhhhh I hate birds! Hate them, hate them, hate them, hate them!
Humans add a shot of esspresso to their coffee that morning, while staring menacingly at the cat. End Scene.
(flickr photo My cat shadow...... by chaffeerobyn; http://www.flickr.com/photos/10165172@N04/858461173/)


  1. Birds be warned: A cat indoors doesn't mean the other cat isn't outdoors. There was half a mouse on my step this morning.

  2. My cat, Dermie the fool, meows at herons that are twice the size of him. This is both behind glass and out in the garden when he is actually stalking them. What the hell is he going to do with one if he manages to catch it? I mean, where would he keep it and what would he feed it?

    That's the problem with cats, they don't think anything through.

  3. This sounds about right. Bwahahahahaha. I love it.

    Have a terrific day. :)

  4. That play seems true with my cat at home. Sometimes, he's meowing on the little bird outside the house.

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