Monday, May 25, 2009

Leg Humping

Not only is it summer, but it's also Memorial Day, and that means tons of picnics and BBQs and other large gatherings to which dogs are invited. And guess what happens when dogs are invited to events? They hump legs, that's what happens. No fucking manners at all. Like seriously, were you raised in a barn (or a strip club)? I know they're animals, but they could at least stay away from your cousin's husband's sister's calves.
And of all things to hump, why legs, you ask? Well, little known to most, dogs were originally bred as a lower leg cover, because long ago no one could make pants that went beyond the knee. Tailors just weren't that skilled. "Dog" is of the Greek root "dogus" which means "thing that keeps my scandalously exposed legs hidden from the perverted, gawking public." And so, as much I love to judge and scold animals for their inappropriate behaviors, this summer while out at parks and picnics, if your Achilles tendon is suddenly violated by a canine, please cut them some slack; they can't help it.
(flickr photo Down boy! by kennymatic; http://www.flickr.com/photos/kwl/2602576621/)

28 comments:

  1. Does this rule also apply to your "little off kilter" cousin who enjoys the same ritual. Just askin'

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  2. Excellent post, Walter. This leads on to another fact that isn't so well known.

    As you say, dogs were used to cover the lower legs, but like all things, they get tired at some point. When this happened, the dogs would slip down the legs. This is why we often refer to our feet as our dogs.

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  3. Bloody hell is this a brilliant post. I dedicated an entire story to Nigel's shin shagging habbits. Get those shin guards out!

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  4. Lisa: Definitely applies to kittens, too.
    Barb: I didn't see that one coming at all. Your powers of research amaze me. Good work finding such a crucial fact.
    Life: Seriously, we realyl should have dog-proof shin gaurds.

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  5. Girl dogs are so much more civilized.

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  6. Ha Ha! Now that I've read your post, I understand dogs!!

    Funny blog :)

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  7. Humphrey the humping dog! I haven't seen one since I sold mine at a garage sale - was that you?

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  8. my small dog always does the same..funny blog

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